When couples fall in love, sex and passion is not far away. It is present and overwhelming. The test for real wellbeing benefits of the attraction of opposites is when they stay together in the long term, can voice differences which, however unpalatable to the other, demonstrates how you can be flexible, containing of the other. The easier thing for some is to close down when it gets unpleasant. We simply dont like to hang around when things get bad.
Over the years, I feel I have expanded as a human being-the internal process when one comes up against difficulties is to withdraw, like a forget me not, which I sense and work with. It is when I open my thoughts and mind to others and see them as human beings that I really becoming richer as a human being myself. One has to work 24/7 to keep expanding and not contract -against the impulse, the instinct to shrink when things get rough. To see that the circle around us does not shrink.
To sum it up, people gain more depth and personality when they allow themselves to create more space for the other person to be and the other person returns the gesture. The growth of civilisation depends on this give and take. Besides, the face softens and one looks more graceful !
However, when that generously given space is used in a parasitic way- i.e. the other invades and takes over rather than shares in a mutual understanding, the relationship loses the balance which makes the relationship healthy. The scale becomes lopsided, the see saw weighs more heavily on one side-the person who takes advantage of their partner’s goodness and kindness, does it far too long and there is an end to it. The sweetest of people come apart under this kind of stress.
Enduring couples allow arguments and quarrels and the love and passion that comes in its aftermath, when anger ebbs away. If this anger remains and ferments in a toxic way, perhaps because this is the way the persons involved have seen their parents behave, then the relationship will spiral downwards. Time must be made for increasing wisdom, understanding and kindness for the relationship to go on and encompass children and elders in its folds.